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I keep that part to myself

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Someone killed my car. Turns out it was someone from my work, where/how she learned to drive... who knows. She didn't just hit my car, she plowed into it.

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I've been dealing with my cousin's death or perhaps, not dealing. I'm completely numb.  I feel selfish.

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My cousin died yesterday. The doctor made a huge oversight. Could have been prevented. I'm all levels of confused and pissed off right now.
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NyQuil makes you sleepy, really? I've been up for hours since taking that nasty dose of crappy tasting, licorice smelling cold/flu medication. I took DayQuil during the daytime naturally, and was expecting to get some sleep time when I took NyQuil... instead, it feels like I ate an entire bowlful of sugar. I got this sudden burst of erratic energy, and even though I tried closing my eyes and going to sleep, I bounced right back out of bed and thought, the hell with it, I'm clearly not getting sleepy. Figures.

Maybe I can bore myself into sleep by filling out some surveys. The more random, the more insane, the more stupid, the better. I'll be cringing by the end of this and ultimately end up having nightmares but, so long as sleep is involved, I'm okay with the trauma.

Have you ever smelled the rain?
- Rain itself, no. The air after rainfall, yes.

Have you ever had someone from your past suddenly appear?
- Yes.

Have you ever felt like the whole world was right?
- No. I think if that ever happened, I would fear some huge castatrophe was not far behind.

Have you ever cried because you felt good?
- Yes.

Have you ever walked alone when it's cold outside and you have a fever?
- I'm sure I did this when I was younger. I figured I was already sick, the damage was done.

Have you ever wondered if the universe was sitting on someone's fingernail?
- No.

Have you ever seen the sky at night when the clouds look like flowers?
- And magical unicorns are flying by? No.

Have you ever wanted something but then when you got it found out it wasn't what you needed?
- Of course. There is a vast difference between want and need. Most things we want are for vanity purposes.

Have you ever tried to make things right, only to realize they work out if you let them be?
- In most situations. But other times it doesn't hurt to help the process along a little.

Have you ever seen a grown man cry?
- Yes.

Have you ever seen an amazing lightning and thunder storm like they have in the midwest?
- No. Would be pretty cool though. I enjoy storms.

Have you ever needed to be held?
- No.

Have you ever made something you thought was great but no one else liked?
- No.

Have you ever made something that you thought was terrible that everyone else loved?
- Always.

Have you ever splashed in puddles?
- Yes.

Have you ever been really sick?
- Yes. Near death sick.

Have you ever made a snowman in your front yard?
- In Japan, yes.

Have you ever known what it was like to love and be loved in return?
- No.

Have you ever had a crush?
- Of course.

Have you ever had a kiss?
- No.

Have you ever known how good something was?
- Yes.

Have you ever not know how good it was until it's gone?
- Yes.

Have you ever tried to write poetry but ended up throwing it away?
- Most of my work eventually gets thrown away. And then there is also the year where I haven't been able to write anything.

Have you ever held the power?
- Only to throw it away.

Have you ever felt like you knew something was right?
- Yes.

Have you ever seen something terribly sad happen right before your eyes?
- Yes.

Have you ever experienced true happiness?
- I'm not sure.

Have you ever given a love letter?
- I've given letters, but I wouldn't describe them as love letters.

Have you ever tried to make someone feel better, just because you saw they were down?
- Yes.

Have you ever wanted a kiss?
- I'm sure.

Have you ever needed a hug?
- Yes.

Have you ever wanted to just do things on impulse?
- Yes.

Have you ever wanted to paint a picture?
- I've painted a few. Some are even hanging on my walls.

Have you ever wanted to just run?
- All the time.

Have you ever needed to get away?
- Yes.

Have you ever tried?
- If you mean the one above, yes.

Have you ever wanted to be a kid again?
- More recently, yes.

Have you ever blew big bubbles with pink gum?
- Yes.

Have you ever lost a love?
- Yes. I'm sure I'm better off.

Have you ever experienced puppy love?
- No.

Have you ever experienced love at first sight?
- No. I definitely believe in connections, but love at first sight is a bit naive.

Have you ever tried to tell someone something but the words wouldn't come out?
- Yes.

Have you ever written a letter to someone you lost touch with?
- Yes.

Have you ever walked down a country road with your friends?
- Yes.

Have you ever had a really good time with your best friends?
- Yes.

Have you ever told them how much they mean to you?
- Yes.

Have you ever shown then that you love them?
- No really good with that.

Have you ever told your parents you love them?
- Not recently.

Have you ever told someone else you love them?
- Yes.

Have you ever played with your old toys?
- No.

Have you ever gone back in your mind and remembered?
- Yes.




From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside?
- Three.

Do you sometimes use your music player to help you fall asleep?
- In the past. Now it just distracts me and I can't sleep.

Are you good at giving advice?
- Only when the person wants it and they're willing to listen.

What are you most excited about?
- The possibility of something fascinating occurring.

Do you believe you have common sense?
- Yes.

What do you have on your bed that you need to get off before you sleep?
- If I'm tired, I'm tired. I don't care what's on my bed.

When was the last time you smiled?
- I don't know.

What are some lyrics to the song you're listening to?
- "Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?"

Do you remember what you were like a year ago?
- Vaguely.

What makes you laugh?
- Random things.

How has the week been?
- It's a new week. It's going to be spectacular. Are you ready?

What've you been doing?
- Trying to recover.

What were you doing at 8 this morning?
- I'll be heading to work.

Who last gave you advice?
- Joan, on my credit card situation.

Do you like your life as of now?
- Could use improvements in some areas.

Are you tired right now?
- Not really.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
- Yes.

Do you cry easily?
- No. In the past, yes. These days I've learned to control my emotions, unless I'm clearly overwhelmed.

Is there someone you'd like to fix things with?
- Perhaps, but the other person has to be willing, and I'm not about wasting my time on someone who isn't willing to put forth the effort.

Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything and everything?
- I don't know. Depends on the person and how much I trust them.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry?
- No.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
- Yes.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
- I'll let you know.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
- I'm hoping to get to bed after this. So, 1 AM.

Do you think you are an argumentative person?
- If you put me in that state, yes.

When's the last time you cried?
- No idea. Been so numb lately.

What were you doing at 7am?
- Not there yet.

Is there anything you are craving right now?
- Sure.

Do you clean when you’re upset?
- Sometimes.

Do you know anyone who is pregnant?
- Yes.

Last night, did you go to sleep smiling?
- No.

What is bothering you right now?
- Things.

What's something that annoys you?
- People and their arrogance, lack of respect/decency/honesty...

Would you ever want to go back in the past?
- I'e thought about it.

Anyone called you awesome lately?
- Yes.
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My cousin was in a severe hit and run accident. He may very well die.
Current Mood:
confused confused
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Current Mood:
exhausted exhausted
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 Despite all the frustrations I've endured at work, everything else seems to be falling into place. It's hard for me to take things one day at a time, but to avoid an early death, I might need to adopt this mentality.

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These surveys have become almost like common law. It would be criminal if I didn't post at least one of these...

Hi how are you? Fine…
So what's the plan for this weekend? This weekend is unfortunately over. Next weekend however, who knows. I can't think that far ahead.
Do you have a best friend? I don't even have a so-so friend these days.
What're the last two digits in your phone number? 69.
Who was the last person you hugged? I have no idea. Probably Norma.
Have you ever met up with someone you met on MySpace? No. Unless you count long lost friends, or situations where I knew the person prior… or there was some sort of thing connecting us…
Do you even have a MySpace? No longer.
What's the best song to rock out to? Cherub Rock - The Smashing Pumpkins.
I think you're like, really pretty: Okay, thanks?
So you agree. You think you're really pretty: Ha. Quoting Mean Girls, are we?
What does the fifth text in your inbox say? No idea. I delete my messages as soon as I read them.
Do you laugh a lot? I try.
If you weren't you, would you be friends with yourself? I think I would be too intimidated.
Do you sing in the shower? Sometimes.
What ended your last relationship? Never been in one.
Is there anyone you'd want to shoot right now? In a violent manner, no. With my camera however, yes.
What's your ring tone? This.
Who made you smile today? I'm sure something did, or someone.
Do you forgive easily? No.
Where was your last plane ride to? San Francisco.
Who's your favorite cartoon character? None.
Have you ever done anything illegal? No.
Now if she moves like this, will you move it like that? No.
If you could have any superpower, what would you choose? Selectively read people’s minds.
Have you ever made a survey? No.
Do you/have you ever TyPeD lIkE tHiS? As a joke to prove how irritating it is.
How about LiiKE THiiS? Please stop.
What's your favorite reality show? There is no such thing as reality on television.
What do you think of animal abuse? Isn't it horrible? Yes. It upsets me.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Good question.
Do you check your email regularly? I check it at least once a day, yes.
When was the last time you left the house? Yesterday.
Does your crush like you back? I have no idea. I haven't had a crush since middle school.
Do you like Chinese food? It’s okay, but it’s not my favorite.
What's something you say a lot? I don’t know.
When was the last time you wore red? I can’t remember.
Do you know anyone named Karl? No.
Do you believe celebrities on MySpace? Who cares.
What's the funniest story you've ever heard? That one.
Who can you tell anything to? Most of my close friends I’m able to be pretty open with because I know they’re not going anywhere. I can’t scare them.
Do you only drink bottled water? I’m only drinking water from a glass from now on.
What's on your mind most today? Things.
Do you talk about your feelings or hide them? I hide them mostly.
Do you wear makeup? No.
Are you missing someone? No.
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? Depends on the person and what they did.
Would you date/hook up with your brothers best friend? I don’t have a brother.
Have you ever had a panic attack? No. But I have had an anxiety attack.
What color is your hair? Brown.
Who was the last person you talked to in person? My mother.
Is your phone right beside you? No.
What do you do before bed each night? Listen to music, write.
Would you prefer a thunderstorm or for it to be snowing? Snowing.
Who do you call the most? I don’t really call anyone. People have to call me because I have phone anxiety.
What is your pet's name? Lucky, Dusty and Buster Keaton.
What were you doing 4 hours ago? Writing.
At what age did you learn to ride a bike? I don’t know.
What's your favorite holiday? None.
Have you ever gone to a concert? Yes.
Ever dyed your hair? Yes.
Do you have any siblings? Do you get along? N/A
Do you cry a lot? No.
Are you good at keeping secrets? For the most part.
Do you crack your knuckles? Yes. I should stop.
Do you give special ring tones to certain people?No.
Do you drink soda? Sometimes.
Can you remember your last dream? I never remember my dreams.
Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? Sure, but it wasn’t a destructive thing. It was positive and necessary.
What would you do if you saw a person fall down a flight of stairs? Call 911.
What is bothering you right now? My job.
What is one question people always ask you? “Are you okay?”
Name something you have to do tomorrow? Survive.
Where is your cell phone? I have no idea.
Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? Regular, but I prefer soy to be honest.
Has anyone told you a secret this week? Yes.
When was the last time you had Starbucks? No idea. And all I ever drink there is tea.
Can you whistle? Yes.
Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? No thanks.
Do you get along better with boys or girls? It really just depends on the person.
Last time you had butterflies in your stomach? A week ago.
Does your phone ring in the middle of the night often? No.
What gets in your way of your sleeping? Too much thinking.
Do you know anyone who's married? Yes.
What's your favorite number? 88.
Where are you going to be at 4:00 tomorrow? Watching the clock.
When was the last time you cried? A few nights ago.
How many things in your past do you regret? I regret very little. I didn’t make a lot of mistakes, fortunately. And the ones I did make only directly impacted me and no one else.Do you smoke? No. 
Do you drink? No. I have consumed alcohol in the past, experimented just to try it... Nasty stuff.
How about drugs? I’ll pass.

Current Mood:
anxious anxious
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I've grown sick of MySpace, along with its evil spawns... As a result, I've bounced around from having all sorts of different online journals, just so that I felt connected to the "world" somehow. Seems this has become the ultimate means of staying connected with people. I deleted my MySpace account for the third and last time, and as I suspected, I have lost touch with pretty much everyone. It's a sad fact that we're all so dependent upon the Internet, e-mail, and online communities to either meet people, or to keep tabs on old friends. Seems that we've become too lazy to pick up the phone and call someone, forget about old-fashioned letter writing, I think people's heads would explode at the thought of even picking up a pen... let alone fashion something which takes actual time and effort. I'm back at LiveJournal after... three years...

So... Hello, LiveJournal... once again. 

Current Mood:
hungry hungry
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